FRIDAY,
December 21st
LOVE COULD HURT
Have
you ever been in love? Have you ever found yourself caught in between love and
reason? Have you ever found yourself
having to choose between loving someone and obedience to your family? These are
the questions that filled my mind when I listened to a friend expound his ideas
on love. What is love? What does it mean
to love? How does it feel? Is it that feeling of wanting to hold him, to be
with him or to see him? Does it come with the urge to kiss her? Is that what
love is about? Is love that sudden emotion that engulfs you just at the touch
of skins, hands? Do you feel like you will do anything to please him? Can you
sacrifice your life for her? That last question is what drove me into writing
this article. The mere thought of someone taking a bullet for another is really
touching, but not as heart-aching as marrying someone else on the condition
that he donates a kidney to save the love of your life.
I watched a movie titled ‘two of us’, a
Philippines movie. I was deeply moved to tears by the sacrifice made by Audrey,
the woman who two brothers were both deeply in love with. The one who, she
deeply loved was shot and lost his two kidneys in the process and needed a
kidney transplant. The other brother who was the perfect donor agreed to donate
his kidney on the condition that she married him. She married him to the chagrin of their
mother who was unaware of whom the kidney donor was or what had caused her to
betray her true love.
This is
one big story that opened up a lot of things within me. How can I love someone
and sacrifice myself so he can say alive, while I spend the rest of my life in
misery with another man. I felt really hurt just from watching it on TV. How
much more hurt would I get from experiencing such myself. This is a typical
example of being caught between love and reason. I really enjoy hearing others
expound their experiences on love. The problem is not with the word itself. Its
with the context in which it is used. Not many people actually understand what
it means to love. At the mention of the three special words ‘I love you’, sexual
pleasure springs to mind.
What is love?
Love is an emotion that nearly everyone has experienced at some time in their life. One would think that with such a familiar concept, researchers would agree on what constitutes love and how to measure it. That has not been the case. Most research on love is based on a priori theoretical conceptualizations. It's quite possible that if a researcher starts out by defining love and then develops a measure to quantify that conceptualization, the results would tend to reflect this process
The 3 Types of Love
There are three types of love:
1) Eros love - known as "erotic love". It is based on strong feelings toward another. It usually occurs in the first stages of a man-woman "romantic" relationship.
This love is based more on physical traits. For instance, a person says he has "fallen in love" for a woman, because "she looked like an angel" (geez!!). Or a woman "falls in love" for a guy because he is intelligent. The weakness with this type of love is obvious. It is based more on what can benefit you rather than the other person. This is "I love you because it feels good, and makes ME happy loving you." See? The keyword is the word "ME". When that person doesn't "feel happy" anymore in loving that person, she/he is led to believe that she/he has "fallen out of love". Actually, there was never "true love" in the first place. The fact is, love by feelings alone cannot be called "true love" simply because they do not know each other that much yet.
2) Philos love - a love based on friendship between two people.
It is true that two lovers that start out by being friends first before becoming partners usually are the relationships that last more, long-term. Friendship is the foundation of a successful relationship. This is true whether it is marriage, or boyfriend-girlfriend, relationship between family members, relationship with co-workers, employer, etc. In the case of a man-woman romantic relationship, the advantage is you get to know each other first, before committing to a more serious relationship above friendship. You start out as friends, then admire each other, then possibly strong emotions can suddenly appear over time and you both realize you miss each other more. It takes time, and is patient (love is patient, love is kind!). With eros love, you see only each other's strengths/good side, everything is rosy, mushy feeling of happiness, etc. Again, you cannot judge "real love" between two people based on strong emotions alone. Philos love is a love based on "give-and-take", where two people benefit each other in a mutual way. One partner is still concerned with what she/he can take, but at the same time is also concerned with her/his partner's benefit and therefore gives back in return.
3) Agape - unconditional love
The third and highest type of love is "agape", or unconditional love.
Agape love is above philos love and eros love. It is a love that is totally selfless, where a person gives out love to another person even if this act does not benefit her/him in any way. Whether the love given is returned or not, the person continues to love (even without any self-benefit).
Say, you help out a person, even though that person hates you and curses you. Or you take insults from your partner without hitting back, all the while forgiving and praying for your partner to amend her/his ways. Or the famed "unconditional love" that a mother has for her child (her child will always be the most beautiful child in the world to her, even with a face only a mother could love!).
Or the love we show our parents, taking care of them and helping them in their old age. Just like they took care of us when we were young, it is done with or without benefit in return.
However, the highest type of agape love is not human at all, but divine - God's unconditional love for us, His children.
God's love was shown to us the most when God the Father sent His one and only Son, Jesus Christ to his suffering and death on the cross for our salvation. There is no greater love than this.
1) Eros love - known as "erotic love". It is based on strong feelings toward another. It usually occurs in the first stages of a man-woman "romantic" relationship.
This love is based more on physical traits. For instance, a person says he has "fallen in love" for a woman, because "she looked like an angel" (geez!!). Or a woman "falls in love" for a guy because he is intelligent. The weakness with this type of love is obvious. It is based more on what can benefit you rather than the other person. This is "I love you because it feels good, and makes ME happy loving you." See? The keyword is the word "ME". When that person doesn't "feel happy" anymore in loving that person, she/he is led to believe that she/he has "fallen out of love". Actually, there was never "true love" in the first place. The fact is, love by feelings alone cannot be called "true love" simply because they do not know each other that much yet.
2) Philos love - a love based on friendship between two people.
It is true that two lovers that start out by being friends first before becoming partners usually are the relationships that last more, long-term. Friendship is the foundation of a successful relationship. This is true whether it is marriage, or boyfriend-girlfriend, relationship between family members, relationship with co-workers, employer, etc. In the case of a man-woman romantic relationship, the advantage is you get to know each other first, before committing to a more serious relationship above friendship. You start out as friends, then admire each other, then possibly strong emotions can suddenly appear over time and you both realize you miss each other more. It takes time, and is patient (love is patient, love is kind!). With eros love, you see only each other's strengths/good side, everything is rosy, mushy feeling of happiness, etc. Again, you cannot judge "real love" between two people based on strong emotions alone. Philos love is a love based on "give-and-take", where two people benefit each other in a mutual way. One partner is still concerned with what she/he can take, but at the same time is also concerned with her/his partner's benefit and therefore gives back in return.
3) Agape - unconditional love
The third and highest type of love is "agape", or unconditional love.
Agape love is above philos love and eros love. It is a love that is totally selfless, where a person gives out love to another person even if this act does not benefit her/him in any way. Whether the love given is returned or not, the person continues to love (even without any self-benefit).
Say, you help out a person, even though that person hates you and curses you. Or you take insults from your partner without hitting back, all the while forgiving and praying for your partner to amend her/his ways. Or the famed "unconditional love" that a mother has for her child (her child will always be the most beautiful child in the world to her, even with a face only a mother could love!).
Or the love we show our parents, taking care of them and helping them in their old age. Just like they took care of us when we were young, it is done with or without benefit in return.
However, the highest type of agape love is not human at all, but divine - God's unconditional love for us, His children.
God's love was shown to us the most when God the Father sent His one and only Son, Jesus Christ to his suffering and death on the cross for our salvation. There is no greater love than this.
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